Why? Oh Why?

6 May

When Arthur Galston invented Agent Orange to increase the yields of soy beans, he probably had no idea that his invention would lead to the deaths of 1/2 million people and result in another 1/2 million disabilities in Vietnam.

When Thomas Midgley added tetraethyl lead to petrol to prevent “knocking” could he have imagined causing the deaths and health problems that arose worldwide from the ensuing lead poisoning?

Similarly, the man who first invented pebble-dashing was probably just joshing on a building site with his pals. You know the kind of stuff these fellas get up to on site – throwing hammers at each other and using staple guns on one another’s goolies. It was probably just one big dido where 3 burly builders threw a load of old stones in the cement mixer while the bloke responsible had been barricaded up inside the site portaloo. Little were they to know that they had unleashed a beast that was to blight towns and cities up and down this country of ours even to this very day.

Georgian, Victorian and Edwardian period properties have fallen foul of this insensitive rendering of outside walls. Why? Why? Why? Who ever thought that it might look nice? When Joe Bloggs first pebble-dashed the outside of his house way back when, which one of his neighbours was jealous enough to want to do the same? And having seen two such examples, who was the third, even more guilty, party?

OK. So we’re in this mess. What do we do? I suggest the current government put aside such trivial matters as the economy for the time being and focus on the real issues. They should break with their current non-interventionist ideals for the sake of everyone in the land and legislate. Yes, start by outlawing the practice based on its visual toxicity – no new pebble-dashing can be allowed to take place. Secondly, any existing pebble-dashed buildings should be painted – under no circumstances can they be allowed to remain brown or grey. Perhaps this could be helped by the introduction of grants to allow people to buy the necessary paint –  after all, this would be a fantastic way of putting all those savings the government has been making to a useful end. Thirdly, they could invest in some research that might lead to a clear and simple method of removing the dastardly stuff once and for all.

Along with wheelchair access for disabled cockle pickers in Morecambe Bay, this is clearly one of the foremost problems currently being faced by society today and one which has been swept under the carpet for far too long. By addressing this concern, the government have the perfect opportunity to re-connect with its public and contribute to the greater good all at once.  Seize the moment Mr Cameron! What would 007 do?

 

 

 

 

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